I want to wear hijab… again
Salam sisters,
I pray Allah rewards you for any advice you may have for me.
I wore hijab for nearly seven years. I started wearing it when I was 16. I stopped wearing it when I was just weeks away from 23. I have no excuse because I refuse to make excuses for this action. I chose to put it on and I chose to take it off. Even at the time, when people asked, I didn’t have an answer. I never felt ugly in hijab. My faith declined as I got older and one day made what I like the call the biggest mistake of my life. It’s something I’ve been ashamed of doing since then.
It’s been five years. Ever since I took it off my life has been more and more difficult. I’m not saying it’s because of hijab, but maybe because Allah is calling me back to him. I feel like my relationship with Allah is stronger now than it ever was before, even when wearing hijab. But since I feel this way, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that I haven’t worn hijab for so long. I feel like Ive abandoned the one who would never abandon me. I feel ungrateful, ashamed, and embarrassed to have turned my back on our lord in such a way.
I’m not even really sure why I’m writing this. I guess sometimes I wish I had a group of women in my life I could talk to about this. A group that really understands how much more difficult it is to put it on now after taking it off.
I want to wear it again starting tomorrow. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about this. Not even my husband. I guess the conversation surrounding hijab with the people in my life makes me uncomfortable. I don’t exactly have the most religious family, but alhumdulilah for my spouse, who has grown with me in terms of deen over the past few years.
I’m not sure how to handle any comments that may be made by those around me. I feel like people will judge me for it. Think I’m some kind of a fake or that I don’t know what I want. Or that i think I’m better than others (I have some highly opinionated relatives). I know this shouldn’t matter. I know Allah is the judge and we should focus on the akriah. But I’m not there yet and will unfortunately have to deal with the response first. So if you have any advice on how to handle that i appreciate it. If you actually read all of this, I love you for the sake of Allah and I pray we can meet in jannah insha Allah 🤍
Please make duaa for me. May Allah reward you for simply caring.
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