There's something I want dearly to be in my life. At first I didn't wanted to make Dua for it, I used to think I'll get it if it's for me and if it's not for me then I won't get it no matter how hard I try. But due to some unfortunate events I ended up making Dua for it. I didn't used to offer a single prayer a day but after those event I started praying 6 times a day and asking Allah after every prayer to grant me that thing. I would make Dua whenever I got the chance and whenever Dua is accepted. I kept going on for 8-9 months. No matter how hard things got or how impossible it seemed, it felt as if something inside me was forcing me to make that Dua. Many times I tried to stop myself but I just couldn't put an end to it.
Recently it happened that I was very close to getting that thing, I was very happy for the first time in my life and I was literally thanking Allah for it. Everything that I asked for I was about to get exactly the same thing. But all of a sudden I couldn't get it. I don't know what happened and why did it happen, it went further away from me that ever. I tried very hard and prayed very hard but I just couldn't get it.
Now I think I'm done. I'm no longer making Dua for it in hopes that I'll forget it. But I just can't forget it. I sometimes think that maybe if I try for just a few more months I might be able to get it then. But every time I make Dua now, I think as if I'm forcing myself and it's of no use. I just don't know what to do. I've spent many hours every day for it and I just can't let it go. And I'm not able to continue with making Dua either. I'm stuck between I'll get it if I continue making Dua and I won't get it if it's not for me no matter what.
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