I have been given anti depressents due to frequent bipolar episodes.
I have no deep relationship with anyone. Not even with my parents. They dont take this seriously and think I just annoy them. I dont have siblings and my parents have a terrible marriage since the start. I have not talked to anyone since 2 years and only talk to my parents or anyone when I really have to. I am really scared anything could trigger my manic episode and then would sweat and lose my senses. I feel suffocated on edge most days almost nauseous with stomach pain. Being an overachiever, most people look by this side of mine. The only reason I was an overachiever was because of being able to learn at an insane speed near deadlines. Most of the time I feel pain in my body due to high testosterone levels (i have done blood tests). I am starting college soon.
My question is can I ever maintain a relationship or get married ever. I usually have to submit myself to the hospital when I feel losing control of myself. It usually goes away in a day or maximum a week (never happened). Right now I cant even maintain dealing with my brain. If this does not go away I dont want to ever ruin another life by marrying because of my condition. I would rather die miserably alone like this and hope for better in jannah. I dont want to run into decisions right now but if this condition does not improve is it okay if I dont marry even though having a high libido. Its not haram right? The antidepressent help lower the libido.
I need a clear cut answer, not your sympathy.
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