I wanna ask if I really need to go to mosques or even interact with Muslims anymore if I still want to remain a Muslim myself, because I fear that the more I spend time with them, the less likely it is that I’d stay one myself. If I have to interact with other Muslims in order to worship Allah, then I’d be willing to make repentance every single day of my life for not doing so.
I live in the forsaken country of America unfortunately, and literally every single time I interact with an American Muslim I question why I even bother associating with Islam as a whole, because it is clear it does not exist as it did in the past. EVEN SOME CHRISTIANS I’ve met do a better job at their faith than Muslims do, I’ve met Christians who do not drink or party, nor cuss or show any amount of rudeness, unlike our brothers, I’ve seen Christian women who actually dress properly and are chaste and never had zina before marriage, unlike our sisters.
What is even the point of me being Muslim when it is clear NO ONE ELSE FOLLOWS IT? Do you know how many times I’ve seen a foreign exchange student from the Middle East drink? Or how many shameless promiscuous Muslim women I have seen?? They make kafir women look like saints I swear to you. I remember once this Egyptian dude I met genuinely believed I was some omega righteous blessed dude just because I’ve never drank before in my life… literally considered righteous for the bare minimum…
I’ve always gotten along with hardcore Christians far more than I have with those who were born Muslims, and it really tempts me enough to where I’m scared of becoming a mutard. In fact, even the few genuine Muslim friends I’ve ever had and loved as if they were my own blood brothers, had all been former Christians before becoming reverts, why are Christians just better? Why? I genuinely don’t understand? It goes so deep that even they only Muslims friends I’ve had were Christians who became reverts.
The biggest temptation for me to convert to Christianity is because of Christians themselves, but I’d never convert because of the weak theology behind it.
And likewise biggest temptation for me to leave Islam is because of Muslims themselves, but I’d never leave because of the theology behind it is too strong and I couldn’t fool myself into believing Allah doesn’t exist. However, I regret to admit that I often as during salah why I even bother, because if I’m Muslims it means I have to call those I see IRL my brothers and sisters.
I’ll literally be a kafir who acknowledges Allah is real, doesn’t drink or fornicate, but doesn’t want to be among Muslims
Is it a problem with an inferior culture? I’m Pakistani unfortunately and 90% of the Muslims I meet are Desi. My experience in Pakistan wasn’t any better btw, women in Lahore dress identical to how they do in America, plus I’m trying to be Salafid and they are all Sufi
I do not want anything to do with Muslims IRL, and especially Muslimah, and I will actively avoid interacting with either of them or helping them. I just wanted to explain my situation and see if I can still be one, without having to ever see another one, because it WILL cost me my deen.
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