I’d like to start off by saying I’m a teenage girl who can’t move out, I’m stuck with this for a few more years until I leave for university.
Let me start off with my father - terrible man, cheated on his first wife with my mother. His first wife and 28 year old son still don’t know about us, and my parents don’t know that I overheard them talking about it. Physically and verbally abusive from a young age and fuelled my eating disorder. He literally threatened us with a knife when I was 10. He does show affection to me more than my mother. That one simple thing makes me feel like the happiest girl in the world.
Then, my mother. Narcissistic, and prefers my younger brother to me, obviously. She always has to make herself the victim and me the monster. She also fuelled my eating disorder along with my father. I vividly remember being 5 years old and crying about being “fat.” My dad is a terrible husband to her, which naturally means she should use me as a punching bag and regularly remind me that I must be nice to her or I’ll go to hell and that I’ll never do anything in life. That resentment towards my father has propelled towards me instead. “You’re a good for nothing scumbag just like your father!” To me, and the “Oh hello (my brother), my sweet little son.”
She’s more verbally abusive but has been physical before, and has an overinflated ego paired with a tendency to complain that everyone hates her. She chose to have a family. She knew what she was getting into but complains everytime I can’t find a menstrual pad that she shouldn’t given birth to such a hassle, asked me to give my brother the sex/period talk as if it’s something shameful (this is my dads fault too) and ALWAYS reminds us about how she does all the work and we do nothing and we don’t don’t even earn money when we aren’t legally allowed to work. I promise you, this is just the tip of the iceberg. If I expanded upon everything I’d be in the retirement home by the time I finished. I admit my faults - both my parents are short tempered but I’m worse than both of them combined. I rein it in and try to be respectful but somehow it’s all my fault no matter what I do.
A recent fight with my mum that shouldn’t have blown so out of proportion was about trainers. We are by no means rich people. I needed new ones for school and I was given two options. Naturally, I liked the appearance of the more expensive one, but I Immediately declined the offer and said I prefer the cheap one. Last year I used school supplies from the year before, so they’re worse for wear now and my parents insist on getting me a few new items. She claimed that I make stuff up to waste our money and that my brother deserves new things too. I love my brother, he’s the only sane one in our family, so I have no problem. We spend the entire day in the rain looking for trainer shops (for my brothers shoes) around town, and naturally I was the one who had to lug around the boxes and had no hood so I was wet. We get home and she asks me how long I’ve had my old bag for and I say I’ve had it for two years in a row (an honest response) and she takes it as something bad and that I’m ungrateful and care too much about what people think of me, and my brother is better because he doesn’t care about that stuff. I’m just so sick of trying my best and then getting treated like I’m the worst.. I got my report card and got a verbal butt whooping. My brother did way worse and got a party thrown. This is where I messed up. I couldn’t control my temper and told her that we are poor people and I don’t match up to the kids at school like she thinks we do. I explained that I’m fine with it, but she shouldn’t be surprised when my brother starts realising too. We’re on benefits, by the way, also known as government aid. The only reason I don’t get bullied is because I’ve got a good head on my shoulders. My brother will be in secondary next year and he is so obviously going to get made fun of. I can’t even breathe correctly, my parents always find a way to put me down. She responded by confiscating a school bag that she bought with government vouchers and saying my brother will have it now and I’ll take the torn bag. Fine by me, I just can’t deal with the emotional aspect anymore. .
See how much they can blow up one small thing? I curse my temper but I don’t think it’s my entire fault. They’re so getting to me, and I didn’t realise until recently how terrible the self doUbt in the back of my head is and how long it’s been around for. . It’s not something I can mentally handle and I thank Allah that he made me Muslim because I would’ve killed myself otherwise. I struggled with depression before I was in my double digits. I don’t know what to do and I need an Islamic viewpoint.
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