Salam alaikum
As someone who believes in not giving up and going through tests and struggles, I just don’t have it in me anymore.
Since the start of December of 2022 Allah swt has been testing me with numerous things be it my exams or health and the hardest one so far has been the health.
It all started in march when I was starting to having symptoms of MCD but since I don’t care much about myself I never bothered to get it tested and kept going through whole Ramadan with the pain and suffering without even noticing, the whole Ramadan was actually peaceful and great as I worshipped Allah swt like never before.
Then we decided to get it checked out with the doctor and I was diagnosed with the disease it’s been months since and I’m still suffering, I can’t take it anymore I’m tired and done.
I used to pray every salat with tahujjud twice a thrice a week even though I didn’t need anything but to thank Allah swt, now I can barely stand to pray fajr while my feet shake and tremble.
How much have I fallen from the grace of even achieving the calmness of prayer.
I don’t have the strength to even ask Allah swt to fix me up anymore as I’ve come to terms with “be it death or alive I couldn’t care the less”.
I’m just 19, wish I could live normal life like you guys, enjoy the hayaat Allah has blessed you with, never take it for granted brothers and sister.
May Allah elevate your status and keep you all safe.
Salam alaikum
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