Earlier, after praying isha, I started crying because I felt bad about my unattractive/ugly face. I thought about how most people would feel when they looked at me. The same things I felt when I looked at an ugly (physically, obviously) person. I felt so bad that even if I am the most intelligent, sensible, religious girl around, my beauty (or lack thereof) will be the primary factor used to judge me. I read a question in islamqa where a man said that even though his wife is very pious and has good character, he can't help but hate her, and sometimes he doesn't realise that 'he is frowning at her'. I read answers where men are told that it's better to look at the potential wife's face, or ask about her beauty, so that he can love her and hence not end up hurting her if she's not attractive, even though her religious commitment is the most important quality in a potential spouse. Again, this made me realise the truth of my situation. That for the rest of my life, I have to live with a face that most people are repulsed with. Probably, or should I say, very likely my husband as well. Heck, even I, when I saw my photos earlier, felt so repulsed. I wanted to never see those photos again. One of my greatest worldly fears would be that my husband dislikes me and oppresses me. It's a terrifying thought. It even make me think if I should just never marry, even though I want to. After thinking all this and crying a bit, I did realise how blessed I still am to have food on my plate, a place to sleep, not fearing for my life, feeling happy so many times everyday. I understood that it felt rather ungrateful of me. But I really wanted to cry, so I decided that even though I realise how blessed I actually am, I will cry just because I need to let out these emotions, and I want to genuinely cry about being ugly, without it being an act of being ungrateful, but simply feeling sad about the situation and crying because of that. While I cried, I kept saying "Allah I love you, I love you, I just feel bad about this. I am so thankful". But as it went on, I kept thinking about how good life actually is for me, and my tears dried up. Afterwards, I went to bed and opened up my phone. I started reading answers to questions similar to the previous one, and began crying again. Then, all of a sudden, I asked Allah to please talk to me, say something to me through the Quran. I opened the Quran app on my phone, and decided to scroll the surahs and click on any random one without thinking. And lo and behold, I clicked on Surah Yusuf. Named after the prophet known for his physical beauty. It was strange, and took me a moment to understand. It made me really happy. I was looking forward to reading the surah and getting the message that Allah wants to tell me. At first, I guessed maybe it was that despite the Prophet being so good looking, he went through a great deal of trials, in fact, his beauty seemed to have caused him even more suffering. So, beauty is not perfect, but just like wealth, like health, you will have many new chances to sin, which otherwise you were not exposed to. So, it could be bad either way. Then, as I started reading, I saw this:
وَرَفَعَ اَبَوَيْهِ عَلَى الْعَرْشِ وَخَرُّوْا لَهٗ سُجَّدًا ۚ وَقَا لَ يٰۤاَ بَتِ هٰذَا تَأْوِيْلُ رُءْيَايَ مِنْ قَبْلُ ۖ قَدْ جَعَلَهَا رَبِّيْ حَقًّا ۗ وَقَدْ اَحْسَنَ بِيْۤ اِذْ اَخْرَجَنِيْ مِنَ السِّجْنِ وَجَآءَ بِكُمْ مِّنَ الْبَدْوِ مِنْۢ بَعْدِ اَنْ نَّزَغَ الشَّيْطٰنُ بَيْنِيْ وَبَيْنَ اِخْوَتِيْ ۗ اِنَّ رَبِّيْ لَطِيْفٌ لِّمَا يَشَآءُ ۗ اِنَّهٗ هُوَ الْعَلِيْمُ الْحَكِيْمُ "And he raised his parents upon the throne, and they bowed to him in prostration. And he said, "O my father, this is the explanation of my vision of before. My Lord has made it reality. And He was certainly good to me when He took me out of prison and brought you [here] from bedouin life after Satan had induced [estrangement] between me and my brothers. Indeed, my Lord is Subtle in what He wills. Indeed, it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise." (QS. Yusuf 12: Verse 100)
After reading this, I realised how along the line somewhere in the future I could be saying the same thing, being thankful that I was created the way I was, because it is all planned by my creator who knows everything, who is the best planner.
And then after that, I read this:
وَمَاۤ اَرْسَلْنَا مِنْ قَبْلِكَ اِلَّا رِجَا لًا نُّوْحِيْۤ اِلَيْهِمْ مِّنْ اَهْلِ الْقُرٰى ۗ اَفَلَمْ يَسِيْرُوْا فِى الْاَ رْضِ فَيَنْظُرُوْا كَيْفَ كَا نَ عَا قِبَةُ الَّذِيْنَ مِنْ قَبْلِهِمْ ۗ وَلَدَا رُ الْاٰ خِرَةِ خَيْرٌ لِّـلَّذِيْنَ اتَّقَوْا ۗ اَفَلَا تَعْقِلُوْنَ "And We sent not before you [as messengers] except men to whom We revealed from among the people of cities. So have they not traveled through the earth and observed how was the end of those before them? And the home of the Hereafter is best for those who fear Allah; then will you not reason?" (QS. Yusuf 12: Verse 109)
The last line felt like it was calling me to fear Allah, telling me there is a great reward so not to worry about this duniya, and to use reason to understand how I'm actually blessed with iman, and to not be sad.
At this point, I saw many messages for me, and I felt really connected to my creator. I was happy and crying. And then, I saw the final verse:
لَـقَدْ كَا نَ فِيْ قَصَصِهِمْ عِبْرَةٌ لِّاُولِى الْاَ لْبَا بِ ۗ مَا كَا نَ حَدِيْثًا يُّفْتَـرٰى وَلٰـكِنْ تَصْدِيْقَ الَّذِيْ بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ وَتَفْصِيْلَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَّهُدًى وَّرَحْمَةً لِّـقَوْمٍ يُّؤْمِنُوْنَ "There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding. Never was the Qur'an a narration invented, but a confirmation of what was before it and a detailed explanation of all things and guidance and mercy for a people who believe." (QS. Yusuf 12: Verse 111)
The first line was true for me, I learnt many lessons, my sadness was over and replaced instead with a sense of peace and hope.
There have been times where I would get these random doubts about Islam, like, whether the Quran is from God or not, even though I've researched and it makes the most sense that it's from Allah. And that second line seemed to address that. To not think that what I've read is a coincidence but something from my creator.
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/gcBieZd
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours