Ok so im F 18 and i was born into a Muslim family, my parents put effort into sending me to islamic programs, making me wear the hijab (by choice), teaching me my deen and all throughout my childhood but i never took it seriously. i would only pray if my parents would tell me too, i didn’t even know how to pray properly, i only did it for the sake of my parents. i believed in a god but i never independently focused on my deen after my childhood.
When i turned 16 i moved to a catholic school because it was the only good educational school in the town. i experienced watching catholics pray in church, learnt the bible and parables which led me to study the quran myself as i had many questions. the more i researched about islam in school i resonated with it so much. i learnt i am a muslima that believes in Allah (not for the sake of my family) Alhamdillah. i learnt how to perfect my prayer too. i learnt some basic hadiths from prophet Muhamed PBUH, principles of islam, some of the quran and even historical muslim figures like Malcolm X discovering the true Islam by committing his Hajj
now i have graduated, i took ramadan this year as another opportunity to learn islam the best i could like i did as a 16 year old and i also prayed 100 rakats this year laylatul qadr!! :,) Alhamdillah again.
now i am learning again like a new born baby, i always feel guilt of my past when i neglected my deen. a memory that haunts me is my situationship i had in the past when i was younger. i did believe in Allah and i did believe i was a muslim but i did not act upon it, did that make a me a kaffir? i heard people say kaffir are the ones that do not act upon the 5 principles of islam.
i repented but i feel so shameful
if anyone experinced the same thing as me, how do you get rid of the guilt of your past sins? it is been a huge problem for me
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