Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,
I (16M) have recently been struggling a lot with my mental health because of my parents and i am unsure if I can tolerate them. I used to love my dad as a child and still want the best for him but he has grown very arrogant and gets mad at the smallest of things.
About a month ago my father was very mad at me because I used to smoke and he found out, i try not to indulge in haram and its the very reason I quit cigarettes, I didn't care about my health or even what others thought of me when i smoked because quite frankly, my family made it hell for me to live at home and I needed a way of relief. I also didn't become a heavy smoker just one maybe in a week or 2.
At the time he found out about me smoking i had already quit as I became more religious and tried to burry it in my past. Someone told my dad or something i don't really know how he knows, but when he asked me I didn't deny it and he got very physical and broke my nose with a flying knee.
I grew up in a brown household so physical punishment is common but i think even from brown standards my dad is too physical, he used to beat me with wires and golf pipes and i am talking levels which were more than police brutalities we see on media. I would have blue marks all over my body for months and some are permeant and i hid them from everyone else including my friends and teachers, but once a teacher saw the mark and called home. That day i got beat up again very bad.
I try to forgive him and he sometimes is good and sometimes totally the opposite. But the thing is he doesnt hit me for no reason, only when i am at fault so dont think i am making myself look like i dont have flaws. I know he wants the best for me and he provides me with everything from food to clothing to education just not love.
I dont open up to my friends because it also feels like i am doing it for the attention and i am Emo per say. When everyone asked about my broken nose i told them it was a football injury and they all accepted it except my best friend who kept pushing it until i came clean. I told him what happened and he felt sad but i made jokes and laughed it off, Again i really dont want to draw attention or people to feel pity for me. I would've talked to my mother(May allah grant her jannah and his mercy) but sadly she passed away when i was young and I have a stepmom who i neither like or hate and dont have a deep connection with.
Wallahi i am so happy for at least having parents and all that i have because many people in this world cannot have what Allah SWT gave me but is it really ungrateful if I don't like my parents ?
(can you use relationship flair for parent relationship? )
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