I've experienced some severe heartaches in my past by men who, in hindsight, were never good for me anyway. My gut was never sure about them. I don't want to go into the details but both instances, especially the second one, left me shattered. After the end of that relationship that I tried so hard to make halal, I was in a horrible place and found comfort in Allah. I used to make dua that Allah please just only bring forward my ideal partner/spouse, that the next person who will come into my life and heart will be my spouse. Please Ya Allah don't bring anyone into my life who isn't meant for me, my heart can't take it anymore. Allah answered my dua by bringing someone into my life who I couldn't believe was that ideal for me. I didn't think it was possible to find someone who could bring so much comfort and familiarity to the heart. I accepted him wholeheartedly and felt a strong sense that he was the one I was meant to meet and marry. But a year after meeting him, he decided to end our relationship. A relationship that we both wanted to end in marriage.
I now find myself praying more than I ever have in my entire life. I pray tahajjud, make dua at all the recommended times, and pray all 5 prayers which I struggled with previously. I spend most of my time doing Ibadah or listening to Islamic lectures. But I'm having thoughts that I am concerned about; why would Allah bring me my most ideal partner who I'd pray for only to take him away? Why would Allah allow someone into my life who wasn't meant to stay despite my desperate duas to please protect my heart from any further hurt? What hope can I hold when I make any more duas? And what's the point (Astaghfirullah)?
Now I'm just entirely broken. Trying to have hope and sabr but sometimes I lose it. I've never been more desperate or broken in my life.
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from Islam https://ift.tt/7lcAJsZ
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