Brothers and sisters, I am on an alt account bc I am a long time user in this sub & I do not want to reveal my sins.
For this instance alone I will have to as I want to know what the crowd thinks about my deen and actions. May Allah (SWT) forgive my sins.
I am 23(M). 3 Years ago I was very far from deen. I didn’t pray, read Quran, didnt want to learn about the religion. I fasted all Ramadan and only in Ramadan I felt a spiritual connection to Allah (SWT). It faded away after that. Anyways I met a girl (non-muslim) and i have been dating her since. This is zina I understand. May Allah forgive my sins.
My question comes into play here. Within these 3 years I have changed as a person. I pray 5 times (alhamdulilah), I read quran and now spend time reading the hadith. I often read Islamic Philosophy and spend some nights reading about the deen and the hereafter. I feel connected with the religion at last. But last night I read that someone who has participated in zina cannot get closer to god on one of the previous posts. Is my change of life fake? Is this just a placebo feeling? I am very confused. I am still in this haram relationship, but I am still becoming a better muslim. I do not plan to be in it forever, i was just deluded to being caught up in the circumstances of my time. May allah forgive our sins. Salamualaikum.
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