Hi everyone.
Well I’m in a sticky situation I hope someone gives the time to read through this.
A few months ago in June I went back to my home country as my grandfather had passed away and his second wife was still living in the house we had to sell because to evenly distribute the money for the family. The first day was fine and the second day when we went to go see the her I was unable to sleep that night. This is very weird for me as I’m usually able to sleep very easily in all situations but I warded it off thinking it must be jet lag. Shortly after I had a dream a day or two later about a bunch of black figures surrounding my bed. After the dream I got Covid. Felt horrible, had trouble sleeping and was just a mess. But I pushed on. At the end of my trip I got gastritis on top of the Covid and the doctor gave me medication and a shot which didn’t do anything to me. I had a very good job where I originally live and it’s something I prayed for three years ago in Ramadan and Alhmdullilah Allah gave me exactly what I asked for. When I went back home, after my jordan trip I was still feeling so horrible. I went to the doctor and they said I have anxiety and gave me anti depressants and benzos along with sleeping pills because of my sleeping issues that were continuing. I started taking them and shortly after I got an ear infection, Bell’s palsy and was still struggling with sleep from time to time. I had a dream that a voice came to me and said your medication is doing this to you. So from that dream I decided to stop. I was perfectly fine for a week and then bam I was hit with severe withdrawals. I couldn’t go to work anymore and going back on medication made things worse for me I couldn’t even leave my room. I could barely even go to the bathroom. Anyways I decided to stop taking it the medication. I felt better for two weeks and then again withdrawals hit me so hard. It’s not been four months since I have been suffering and I’m constantly up and down. I’m so confused. I do long sujoods, pray Tajhuud, salat tawbah, salat nawfil, doing dhikr, make dua in all the favourable times. I given almost all my money to zakat .But I still feel like I’m so lost. At the first few months I had amazing dreams of me wearing all white, praying reciting Quran, making duas me standing in rain and that gave me hope. But I still have bad dreams at the same time and still am suffering. I don’t know if this evil eye, a test or withdrawals, or all of them put together. I beg Allah for an answer and guidance on what to do what’s wrong with me and I don’t know. I’m so lost I’m constantly running around in circles all the time. I make so much dua, recite Quran drink zamzam water everyday, Ruqyah everyday and eat black seeds with honey. I’m exhausted. Yes I have learned so many big lessons throughout this time and beg for forgiveness for the wrong I have done and even started a gratitude journal. I’m still sooooooo broken. The only reason I’m alive is because of my fear for Allah. Do I give up on my dua and accept that this is my life now. Maybe good health isn’t meant for me? Maybe I’m not good enough for it or am I just being impatient. I’m so lost I don’t even know what it is I’m suffering with to even make proper dua . I just result to please ya RABB cure me. I’m so exhausted I’m so broken. I just wish I had some answer. What do I do ? :(
I have been through so much these last four months with multiple hospilazations, loosing my job and even getting kicked out of my mothers house and she called the police on me , who I didn’t see for 11 year prior. I also did Ruqyah twice with sheiks who at the end told me it’s still not gone. I have certaintly been tested with fear, health and within my own self . Everything changed over night.
Will Allah accept my dua or do I have to fight to keep myself alive till my death.
I love Allah I feel so guilty that I’m so impatient and loosing faith.
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/ChvfXPm
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours