Trigger warning: mention of s//cide Ok so I'm an 18 year old muslim girl who fell in love with another girl online and we're dating now. I know this is a great sin and that's the problem. We planned to move in together next year, I live in an abusive household and the abuse have led me to try and attempt suicide. It's horrible and it still is and I've been wanting to off myself for alot of years now. When she came into my life she lighted it up and even though each day at home was horrible, the moments I spent with her were fantastic. I've never considered lesbianism before, but I wasn't really homophobic. She helped me through my toughest times, called me while I cried, listen to me, didn't tell me off for my self destructive behaviours. She is kind of the same as me and I think we both needed each other equally. I can't live without her or go one day without calling her. I love her more than I love anything and she's the only reason I'm alive right now. I know it should be islam that keeps me alive but I was never really raised to get help from my religion, which I hope had happened but it's just the way it is now. I've tried reading Qur'an and doing my prayers and I know I need to be patient and let Allah help me, but it wasn't really working. I was still breaking down and cutting myself all of the time. But her existence makes it all better, when I'm crying she video calls me and hears me out and does these little cute things to make me feel better and validates my emotions for once. She's the first person I've ever cried to. We're so in love and we're way happier together. I still cry on a daily basis because of the abuse I'm going through but our plan to moving out is my way of escaping. But I don't really know what else to do. I don't wanna drift that far away from my religion. I was thinking about practicing my religion no matter what and my gf does not mind at all. But I know that's not enough. I know I shouldn't like someone with the same sex as me but then again she's thw reason I'm alive right now, breaking up would be the end of me and her at the same time, we fantasize so much about the future and for me, I'd want to spend it with her. But I don't wanna sin that much. I need help. What do I do
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