hello everyone, i hope you're all doing well.. this is my first time posting here.. im not sure why im even writing this, maybe i need some comfort from fellow muslims, maybe duaas? idk.. anw here's my story and i genuinely hope at least one person reads it :( id like to believe im a good person and muslim in general.. however i skip prayers (which i know is very bad) i always try my best.. in ramadan i almost never miss a prayer, but then i lose the habit bc of work (and previously school) anw thats not the story.. a couple years ago i commited a sin, some people may say its minor maybe idk.. i also was very sick at that time.. after that, i have repented, started praying regularly again etc.. but i was still very sick, part of it was the anxiety and fear after i had commited this sin.. i did everything for "tawba" but i was still haunted for months..i kept wondering why i felt that way when people commit way worse and are living their best life.. after praying/reading quran and making duaa i started finding a bit of peace..however i was still very sick which led me to not be consistent in my prayers except in ramadan.. cut to the point you're probably waiting for..its been over two years now, and i keep getting sick, random issues that no doctor is figuring out.. im honestly a kind person who helps other, i dont do much besides work but i feel like theres a bigger issue behind my sickness which is making me drift from religion (astghfarallah) and im just so angry and tired of always having health issues to the point where i pray to die everyday (which is making my religious parents very angry)..im 23 btw. i genuinely believe i dont deserve all of this and i dont know what to do besides hoping some day i don't wake up.
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