I’ve stopped practicing since I returned to the UK and attended boarding school when I was 13. I used to be very religious and now I’m practically a Kafir. At first it was hard but I continued to wake up early and pray and make time in the day, but it gradually got harder and harder and I started to succumb to depression and stopped praying all together.
I’m 19 now and during these years I’ve tried to return to Islam but there has always been something stopping me. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel so much guilt and disgust with myself and I think I’m also very scared of hell and I wish that I was never born. I can’t look at the Quran or pray or even hear the Athan without feeling some type of way. I want to get back into the habit of praying and reading Quran because I will hopefully be performing Umrah with my family soon.
Also I met a man online who I really love I want to marry him. I’ve never met him as he is in the US. He is a Christian. Is there any way for our relationship to be permissible? I don’t think he would be willing to convert to islam.
Also I don’t think Muslim men nowadays are very good and the ones that are, are married or very hard to find. I’ve heard a lot of stories about young Muslim boys that often can’t resist the ‘urge’ and have relations with girls before getting married with someone from their culture.
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