Salaam Alaikum,
I'm writing here because I'm terribly stressed, depressed even and I no longer know what to do.
Backstory:
Since 4 years ago, I aspired to get married. I found a Muslim sister who was a good friend of my sister. After one year getting to know her, I brought the idea to my parents. They were receptive at first, but ultimately rejected her because her family is from a neighboring country and not from my home country even though we both grew up together here in the US. I went back and forth with my parents for one year about this sister, on top of the one year in which I was getting to know her. I brought my uncle who is a sheikh, my community Imam, and several different uncles and my Dad would not budge. He somehow even convinced them to side with him.
He told me he doesn't want me to marry anyone from America and to go back to my home country. At 27 years old, I have spent a total of 1 month in my home country. It seems ridiculous to go and find someone marry who grew up totally different from you. While I was going back and forth with them about this sister, my Dad even tried to make me go with him to find a wife back in my home country, but I politely refused saying I wasn't ready as he forced me to cut off connection with this sister just weeks prior. He couldn't comprehend that I was heartbroken.
Several months and prayers later, my cousin introduced me to a friend of his who was back in my 'home' country. I got to know this sister and figured my parents would be excited about this sister since we're from the same country and speak the same language. I went with my mom and my sister to visit my home country and introduced them to the sister. My sister and the girl became really good friends while my Mom said she had to discuss with my Dad. After consulting my Dad he became frustrated and told me that he has spoken to some of his friends/cousins already about my visit and told them I was coming to see their daughters. I cooperated, and went to go visit these women even though I had an interest in the girl who my cousin introduced me to. I spoke with some of these women, but I didn't have any interest in them. After returning from my trip, I told my Dad I didn't have interest in those women, and I would prefer the sister that I brough to him. He became frustrated again and told me that it was the Sharia for him to hand pick my wife. I corrected him, and he said you're right it's not the Sharia, it's our culture. He claims people will speak ill of me if I marry this girl. I told him I'm not concerned about what people say or think, I'm only concerned about how I look in the eyes of Allah. He became even more upset, and said that I disrespected him.
Summary:
My Dad can't comprehend how I'm not interested in any of the daughters of his friends, and refuses to participate in allowing me to marry anyone else. Ultimately, I've deduced that he wants to hand select my wife for the purposes of cultural traditions, and image. He is willing to sacrifice my happiness to satisfy others, and for cultural validation. I've previously told him that in Islam I am allowed to marry whoever I want(with obvious restrictions), but I want to get married with my parents happiness. He also took that as an insult.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. In order to marry, I don't need my parents permission(but I'd like their validation), but even so, the families of the women I would intend to marry will not allow me to marry their daughters knowing that my Dad is alive, but will not participate. No one wants to give their daughters to a family who doesn't want them. So, I'm stuck.
I'm making Istikharaa, and dua but I'm getting depressed by the day. Any advice, or dua is greatly appreciated!
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