Assalamu Alaykum, I'm 19yo, male
And my mom is diagnosed with Schizophrenia, but I'm pretty sure what she have is Paranoid Personality Disorder, anyway
I love her, I always take care of her, I pay for her medical bills which is something I should do, I buy her whatever she needs, I'm always close to her because I don't want her to feel lonely and helpless, I always try to make her happy and also to make her smile, she appreciates that a lot and she also loves me
And just to give you a little background, I was physically and mentally abused by her so bad when I was a kid, the trauma from her abuse are still haunting me to this day, but now I understand that she's my mother anyway and I have to respect her and say good things to her, and I'm trying to be a good Muslim, that's why now I always try to make her happy and provide for her...
Now, she always say nonsense stuff, illogical arguing etc... because she is ill, but I always tell her that I agree with what she says and I always tell her what she wants to hear so she can be happy and not get mad
The problem now is, recently she started to be over protective and she started to physically hurt me for literally no logical reason ( I'm sure it's because her mental illness )
For example she was saying "Don't park your car in the apartment parking, I'm feeling like somebody is going to blow you up, they're looking after you trust me please"
She doesn't want me to explain and she doesn't care about what I say, If I didn't do what she asks me to do, she gets so mad and she goes crazy ( Screams at me for at least 2 hours, throws random stuff at me, and recently she started to physically hurts me ) so I did what she said
She was asking for more and more crazy nonsense stuff and I couldn't handle it because it was affecting my well-being, my job which supports me and her and the rest of the family, and also my mental health it so I moved out...
She has no problem with me moving out, but whenever I go to meet her and check up on her, she gets so mad at me because I didn't park my car 1 mile away from home, and because I wasn't hiding good enough from the killers whom are my neighbors, etc... but I always apologize to her and be respectful so she doesn't get mad more
few days ago when I came to check up on her the first thing she said to me is " They're looking after you why don't you understand, they're trying to kill you" and the same nonsense stuff for like 2 hours straight while screaming loudly, I couldn't handle it so I just left to my apartment so I can meet her later when she calms down, while I was leaving she throwed something at my head, but I just kept going and ignored it, I was so mad and irritated
Today I went up to meet her again, I asked her " why did you throw that thing at my head? " she said I deserved it because I wasn't listening to her and I wasn't respecting her orders, she was threatening to stab me and do more crazy stuff next time If I wasn't listening good enough to what she orders
Again, she abused me as a child with belts, she used to scare me with knifes in her hand, and she used to beat me with metal bars when I was like 12, so whenever she threatens me now with I get flashbacks and I know she's not joking, especially knowing she has real mental illness and she is not thinking logically, so killing her son might not be a big deal for her in the moment and I'm starting to feel genuinely scared for my life.
Now the only reason I've shared this in ISLAM subreddit is because I couldn't handle her illusions anymore, and as a normal human being, I can't handle what she orders and what she says every single day so I get mad at her sometimes and usually I just leave the home while she's angry at me
So my question is will I be sinned for that? will Allah ask me why I made her mad or angry, or will he ask me why I got angry on her and why I didn't treat her with respect?
And please, if you have any advice on how I should deal with her let me know, I just came back to my apartment while she was so angry on me because I wasn't following her crazy orders.
Thanks everyone.
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