Salam Sisters and brothers,
I have lead a very hard life and alhamduliah my husband helped me get closer to Allah SWT and to understand my rights in Islam.
I understand that Islam is very intense regarding parental rights just as it is intense regarding the responsibility of parents and children's rights.
My mother and I do not have a healthy relationship and currently she is not speaking to me. I pray for her as a way to continue my tie to her.
She is upset with me because she believes I am taking a harsh approach to a deep betrayal on her part.
Long story short I cut ties with a family member due to them sexually abusing me and blackmailing me over years when I was younger.
I finally had the courage to tell her and she begged me to forgive them and move on and that she believes me but it would harm the family and community if I sought justice.
So I kept quiet for a few years and pretend all was fine. I noticed this person did not change thier mentality as they tried harassing me during a wedding while my husband was a few feet away from me.
I broke down and told my husband and immediately cut ties with this person.
I explained my decision to my mother and told her if she wants anything to do with me or her grandchildren she will respect my boundary and think very strongly about cutting ties with this person as well.
She told me she doesn't agree and she was sorry but she chooses the family (read:family image) over her only daughter but she respects my decision. I thought we reached a grey area of compromise and I could finally start healing.
A month after the conversation she called me and my husband to chat and lo and behold she had that vile person join the call!!!!!
I hung up and was sick for days suffering from my PTSD
SHE THEN SHOWED UP ANNOUNCED TO MY HOUSE WITH THE ABUSER!!!!? All in the name of not cutting ties and she believed I could make up with the person!!!!
I blocked her number b cause I no longer trusted her with my safety.
My husband told her she is free to call or message him if she'd like to speak directly to me and he would supervise it. She must earn my trust back.
She began protesting saying how she didn't know the person was going to join the call and that she just wanted to give me some presents that person got for me when she showed up unannounced, not to force me to see them.
I didnt believe her and I still don't.
Fast forward two years of communication via my husband and moving across the country in secret since we no longer felt safe being close to them. She didn't like that we did this but got over it as she doesn't have a leg to stand on.
A couple months ago she has randomly stopped answering our calls and messages and will not call or message.
The trash abuser called my husband saying my mother was distraught over me not allowing her direct access to me and she thought I'd be over it by now.
The audacity.
Idk where to go from here. I realize my mother is a weak minded person who is the Islamic equivalent to a bible beater.
She does not believe in a middle path in Islam.
I'm sad and tired but even though it's been some time since she made her mistakes, I cannot trust her.
I'm not ready for direct communication with no supervision.
She hasn't shown me any mark of improvement.
At the same time, I want so badly for us to have a normal relationship. I want to forgive her. I don't have a mom to vent or speak to. I had 2 miscarriages due to the stress she's put me through.
I need to protect myself but I also need her to wake up and see the damage she is causing with her irrationalities. I want to give her another chance but I cannot based off of nothing.
Any advice or resource would be helpful because I need to move on. I need to know if this is it. So one day when I get a call that shes no longer with us, I can at least know I did my best without harming my health or family for these are sins too.
Thank you and Salam
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