Seeking help.

Assalamualaikum.

My brothers and sisters, I write this post with a shattered heart, and pain eating me up inside.

I was raised in a religious household, where I always - and until this very day - cared for my religion and did all the deeds that I had to do, I never came short and always tried my best, but sadly a couple of years ago I slipped after trying to drown the dark desire I fell weak to it and committed the act of sodomy, instantly after committing this pathetic act. I felt remorse and pain. All I did was cry and ask Allah for forgiveness. I ran home to instantly perform Tawba, and for years later I cried during my Salah, because of how much I regret what I did.

I tried becoming a better Muslim by repenting and furthering myself away from everything and anything that could lead me towards this measly act again. I succeeded.. but not for long. As I moved out of the Family house and lived alone.

I have come back to it almost 6 times now. And after each time I regret it even more and try to repent. I always make Dua'a to Allah, asking him to help me on this journey, to strengthen my Iman and help me beat my demons. But sadly I always fall back.

I recently did it for the last time, I must be honest, I feel remorse, I regret it more than anything, but I did not cry, I didn't shed a single tear. It was so scary. All I think about now is that Allah had left me and I will be walking around with a heart of stone.

I really do not want that, I want to change, I want to stop it. It is utterly disgusting and I can't stress it enough how bad I regret it. I really need your help, how can I become stronger and closer to Allah. I really want to perform real Tawba and not go back to this act again. Do I stand a chance of coming back to Allah or its just too late for me?

I am deeply sorry for what I have done but I am ready for change.

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from Islam https://ift.tt/2YJkuWh