Assalamu Aleykum,
Yesterday I made a post related to this post now. Close to midnight I just sat down in my room, crying and harming myself, tried it with scissors first, but it was too painful and it mostly made only scratches, I then used my measuring stick which has very pointy and sharp "spikes" and with that it started to bleed and cut my forearm very little and about 5 to 6 times the top of my hand. During work I accidently scratched myself or something like that and when my father asked I pointed to that area and told him it happened during work. I don't know if it counts as a sin or a lie because it really happened but I didn't give him the answer about the other marks I have caused.
I am in a bad state I believe. It is going downhill. I am scared that I may be a hypocrite because I am doing almost the same things and sins I complained about others. I made an oath with Allah with bad actions/intention and I regret it deeply. I never wanted to end like this. It got out of control. Astaghfirullah I'm afraid I am loosing my mind. I regret so many things. I want to reach people with knowledge but it takes such a long time and I barely have any time to go the masjid and ask the Imam.
I am really sorry for making another post like this, forgive me
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