hi, before anything i want to state that i am egyptian, muslim so of the things i will say might seem weired but it's pretty natural in here i am just hoping that another PoV might open up my eyes, thank you.
My problem is my family or me i can't tell, recently i've been reading a book on depression (feeling good, david burns) took the test in the book it turned out i'm severly depressed, took other tests too the results are nearly exact, the book suggested that depression might be the reason that i lay in bed all day.
when i was a child from 6 to 14 my father would beat the **** out of me, i once passed out and he didn't even stop until my uncle and 2 other men pulled him away, that's was the worst time i passed out because that tree branch he used very thick and it hit me really hard, usually he would beat me with an old 5mm cable folded two times making it 4 cables 5mm each, the hit marks would disappear two weeks later.
Even though back then i was happy, alittle bit weired compared to other kids but nothing unusual, i had some close friends too.
9 years ago we had a fire accident at home mom and sister got burnt. My sister died next day, My mom is alive and well, ever since then i became introverted i would in the house for weeks and not go out, i don't have any friends till now, and ever since that my father stopped beating me. i have alot of people i know from college but we ain't really that close even though i might be the most famous guy in there, some girls have a crush on me but i ignore them cuz i tend to speak bad to girls in ways that hurt them so i ignored them cuz i don't like it when i hurt others emotionally.
now, our house has been falling for 4 years now, we have a wall on 2nd floor that might fall and kill someone in the street, My dad has enough land to buy probably 3 or 4 houses (or build our house for like 10-15 times) but he is too gready to do it because he keeps saying that if i sell any land i won't be able to buy any again, not just that he plants stuff in the lands and makes my mom go and sell it while he takes care of the land, My mom would wake up at 4 am everyday travel alone in train for about 20 miles and my mom would comeback at around 4pm, sometimes the selling is so bad and she returns at 8pm, she doesn't go every day, it's like 3 months a year.
So, anyway what happens is i get so upset about the situation and i end up blowing in his face like really bad, not insulting but some harsh words, one time i saw some tears on his face. Don't get me wrong i love my father more than anyone in the world, but i can't shut up with him ruining our life, and each time he threatens me that he would stop paying for my college. We became close alittle even though he is 40 years older than me, but today i was very flooded with everything happening and my depression so i decided to ignore him and be very cold towards him but i could see that he is very sad that i am treating him like that, he didn't say a thing but i am very upset and feeling like really guilty for it, i can't seem to find the right thing to do, so if i am an ***** tell me, and tell the right thing to do, if not tell me how can i live with such burdens.
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from Islam https://ift.tt/3od55Gu
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