I will try to make this short. I am a Muslim woman. I went through a period of my life where I was in haram relationship. I had premarital sex many many times. I can't believe I let myself slip and wish every moment that I could take it all back. I have since repented Alhamdulilah and resolved to never fall into that kind of sin again. I have been better with staying close to Islam. I know Allah forgives all sins and that I am basically a clean slate after repenting.
What is not going away is the guilt. I am soon to be married and sometimes feel like killing myself because he would never think that I would do something like that. He thinks I'm perfect and I feel like I am cheating him. I know Allah commands us to conceal our sins and so I will not bring it up with him. But I stay up all night from guilt. I can hardly sleep or eat. I cry every day. I sometimes want to die. My mind is running 24/7. No amount of dua is helping. I worry that on our wedding night it will not feel special to me because I already did it before. (Not that it matters but I never went all the way in the past, I did every other possible thing though, Astaghfurallah.)
I don't know what to do brothers and sisters. I don't feel worthy of marriage to this pious man. He would be so disappointed to know what he is actually marrying. I feel dirty, disgusting, and like a fraud. I am crying as I write this. I wish I was dead. I find no happiness anymore in anything lately because of this. I guess this is Shaitan but I don't know what else to do. Am I worthy? Should I call it off with him even though I am very happy now and don't sin like that anymore? I am so tired. Please help.
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/3FvU7DG
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours