My Story: I was a born Muslim in a nonreligious family, I grew up just going to Mosque and fasting Ramadan and made salah only when I was in the house of a family that did make salah and although I didn't practice I respected those who did because doing such takes effort which I just wouldn't allow myself to do. Then when lockdown came I started reflecting on my life realizing how much of it I wasted and and when I realized Qiyamah is near I fell in depression I spent weeks in my room just distracting myself and when I thought of Qiyamah I cried thinking I would go to Hell. I eventually thought why use this time to waste it instead I should make sure I don't go to hell and then went very religious, very fast within a Mknth reading through the whole Quran, making all my salah including Tahajjud and other optional duties and treating them like they are compulsory. I eventually started questioning God and realized I have no good reason to believe in him and Atheism and Theism gave somewhat decent answers for their position and I couldn't answer problems against either I didn't know if he did or didn't exist and it seems nonsensical to worship a God I don't know exists so I stopped practicing and become a Agnostic. I was like this for a few months and then I watched Asadullah Ali's lecture series Understanding Atheism because it was in my recommendation on YouTube and in part 2 he gave the greatest argument for God's existence and after that I was a believer again so I learnt proofs of Islam and arguments against it, while some arguments are okay they still can easily be refuted and the proofs made a lot of sense so I decided I will return to Islam. I haven't taken my Shahada yet but I'm planning on doing soon.
Questions: I want to try and fully practice and study the religion but without making my previous mistake of denying the dunya of my responsibilities to it. I want book reccomendations on these topics: Fiqh, Hadith Science, Quran and Tafsir, Islamic History and Aqida. Also none Islamic subjects I want to learn are Philosophy and Theology, so books on these will also be helpful. And lastly are there any brothers who I can communicate with to help me keep my Iman up due to the fact I only have 1 practicing Muslim friend in real life.
That will be all please make dua for me that I be a vessel of knowledge and a successful believer. Salam.
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