I'm facing some severe medical problems, I think relating to my use of tobacco, vaping, weed smoking. I might have mouth and throat cancer, and have some very painful ulcers and sores on my mouth and throat.
I am otherwise very fit, healthy, and active and only 26, so I never saw something like this coming.
I was blessed to find Islam at about age 21, I am a white dude from the Midwest of USA. I met some Muslims online and read the Quran interpreted in English and believed it was the word of God, and started learning what I could about prayer and performing it to the best of my ability with my language and knowledge, and completed some fasting during some Ramadans Alhamdulliliah. I worked hard to learn from the Quran and follow what it teaches.
I struggled though with sin though, and it seems through my vices in women, drugs, gambling, etc, Allah has reduced me to next to nothing, and last Ramadan I didn't fast due to my tobacco addiction, and I only pray on occasion now. Lord have mercy, I feel I have humiliated and brought shame on myself.
And now, with so many problems and suffering facing me in this Dunya, and now that death looms so close, I am in so much regret that I have not performed my duties as a Muslim and distracted myself with worldly pleasures. I am so scared it is too late to reform and uphold them.
May Allah accept the best of what I do and have mercy on me, and may all of you please heed my story and ask forgiveness and mercy for me.
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