Forgiveness for all sins

Salaam all. I'll try to keep this brief:

I'm in a state of major regret. Not about a specific action or deed, but just about so many sins that I've committed over the years. I'm in my early 20s and I feel like I've put myself in such a hole in terms of being a Muslim that is close to Allah. Alhumdulillah I've avoided alcohol, drugs, sex, etc, but I feel like such a hypocrite for doing so many sins in private. Practically no one knows about my sins. Everyone around me thinks of me as some example Muslim young adult, and while I'm grateful for it, it makes me feel terrible since I know what I do behind closed doors. I try to become better, but then after a while I fall back into the same sins, if not worse. I have no excuses for any of it. Loving family, great upbringing, financial stability throughout life, knowledge about this world and Islam, etc. I feel like I already have been blessed with so much growing up, and everytime I feel like I'm going to be punished in this world for my sins, Allah just makes my life even smoother. I honestly get scared thinking about how I'm going to answer for any of this. I'm in a good state mentally so it's nothing of that sort, it's just I have so much guilt and regret but it's literally years of sins I can think of.

Now I know Allah can and will forgive all sins if a believer shows enough remorse, but how do I ask for forgiveness for all my past sins? Sins I remember, sins I don't remember, sins against others in the past that they aren't aware of. I know we shouldn't ever have a sense of being doomed, but I can't help but that doubt in the back of my head.

I'm sorry if this was a rant of sorts, but I just needed to get stuff off my chest. I'd appreciate any advice.

submitted by /u/hopefulbeliever
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