I’m just going to say it, I’m not convinced by Islam and would need a lot more evidence, but I’m not convinced it’s false either. It’s been like this for years, to the point that I wake up in dread and go to sleep in dread, having an anxiety attack over Islam at least three times a week, to the point that I start to cry and can’t breathe and just lay in bed until I go to sleep and then repeat it all over again the next day.
I don’t want to go to hell. But I also don’t believe in God or the prophethood of Muhammad saws, nor disbelieve so strongly that they must be false. I’ve been asking for faith for years and trying to be a good Muslim but I can’t do it anymore. I know I make this post like every other month lol, but I’m seriously at my end.
I talked to someone and he said I need to choose to believe for a day a month so I can connect with God. I asked how to do that, and he called me a liar and a hypocrite. Well now I’m asking here: how do I choose to believe?
I go through the actions of faith but without an ounce of faith, just fear that God might exist.
I’m not interested in detailing why I don’t believe. I don’t have moral qualms with Islam, nor do I care about my desires more than the truth. I just don’t accept ahadith no matter how good the methodology is, so I also can’t accept the context and character of the prophet, so I can’t accept that Islam is the truth. I’d need to travel in time and see the prophet for myself. I understand hadith methodology. I’m not convinced by the philosophical arguments for God either.
I don’t even trust my parents are my parents. I made them get a DNA test with me to prove it. I don’t trust anything or anyone, until I can get substantial evidence.
But please, how do I believe? I’ll try anything. I’m miserable. I’m not a troll, but my post and comment history won’t convince you of that.
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