I'm far and deep in an incredibly strong trap of shaytan and in a literal crisis. Where do you find people who know a way out?
Incase one of those guys coincidentally is reading this:
I have 2 major issues and without a solution to both of them (at the same time) I see no hope in escaping a constant downwards spiral of becoming worse and worse over time
The first issue is doubts caused by shaytan. Whenever I try to get better or become better, shaytan comes and bombards me. At this point, I'm almost scared of becoming a better muslim because then shaytan comes and make me feel as if islam is not true etc., and it's so strong I don't know if it's kufr or not to have these doubts.
Like, making me forget about the proof of islam, then giving me emotional conviction that islam is false, and giving me shubuha and much waswas.
This is one of two issues that I have. This is a wall and I'm not strong enough to get past it. It goes for a short while and then I lose.
And ofcourse, whenever I do bad (E.g. waste time), shaytan is silent regarding this.
Is there maybe a dua that if I say it then I will not die while being in this doubt-state so that I can just ignore it and keep doing good until it goes away? Like, if I'm eventually at the point that because of doing good I am convinced that islam is false, then I can just keep doing good because actually I still know that islam is true despite being convinced that islam is false? Yeah, that sounds weird, I know.
One might say "this is all from shaytan, you are not accountable", but I'm not so sure about that. At times, he gets me to the point where I would actually say "99% islam is true" instead of 100%. I later return to 100% though because obviously it's just waswas.
What to do?
The second issue has to do with free will. It seems that I'm the victim of my own free will. Like, right now, no matter what I do and what I decide and how motivated I am, in at most a few days i'm back in a bad state. I wish I could just take my free will and obliterate it out of the universe and live like an animal. I already tried fixing this very often but it never worked. At this point, I have no clue what to do.
People sometimes say things like "do dhikr", but the point they're missing is that me doing dhikr now doesn't change how I would use my free will in 2 days. It would cause emotional support against sins, but not change anything in regards to free will. I don't even know how you can change at all. How does that work?
I'm not that knowledgeable regarding the inner workings of free will, but is there an act which if I do it right now would ensure that I would change how I use it in the future? Maybe some knowledge that I can act upon or some secret sauce?
What I notice is that often I'm just following whims and desires, E.g. I'm emotionally inclined to do x so I do x, I have the desire to do y so I do y, etc., how can you change long-term?
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