I've been going to the Masjid for almost a year now for the congregation.
Last week, I started developing a crush on one of the Jam-ah. Suddenly, I'm extra excited to go to the masjid. It's not that I wasn't excited before, because at times I am forcing myself to pray in congregation, for the extra rewards. I actually love the togetherness atmosphere.
I've told this to a friend and they've been making fun of me. They thought it was towards a girl and they do not understand how I couldn't just avoid her. Just told them I met her at a Masjid event and sometimes at the parking lot.
I told an Ustadh and he wants me to consider asking this person's hands in marriage. The thing is I am gay and we pray in the same hall. My crush is unavoidable. Not to mention that he also works at the masjid. I have no other place to pray especially during this pandemic, and I only go there on lunch break. (Zhur prayer only).
I'm in a dilemma because I'm afraid that my niyyah going to the Masjid is for congregation prayer is no longer a priority, I have another intention.
Advise me, brothers and sisters.
Disclaimer: I do not engage in any homosexual activity and lifestyles. I've been good at restraining myself, but feelings, I have those and I'm unable to shake them off.
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