I apologize if this goes against the rules of the sub. Also sorry for longer post.
Long story short: born Muslim in the US to two fairly devout parents. Did well in school, pursued a career in science, now with my MD. In the midst of that journey began having extreme doubts in all religion. Couldn't reconcile how a religion could all of a sudden come to be at a finite point in time (i.e. the 1400s). Stopped praying. More doubts crept in, the typical thoughts (e.g. "why would God judge me based on my diet"). Stopped reading Quran. But now I find myself feeling...empty.
I struggle to answer what I value in life. I have never been in a relationship because I dread the idea of sharing these internal struggles with a muslim spouse. I haven't told my parents, not even my friends. I feel like I have just been suffering in silence.
Then, a few months ago, I began psychodynamic therapy. My therapist is really incredible and has done a great job of simply putting a metaphorical mirror up to myself. I finally am confronting my beliefs, and to my surprise...I find myself moving closer to religion.
In my googling I ran across this quote: "The first gulp fro the glass of natural sciences will make you an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you". That really struck a cord with me....So here I am. Bearing myself to strangers who I hope can see past any narcissistic themes in my post. I plan on waking up and praying fair for the first time in...years tomorrow. I'm hoping that helps provide some clarity in the direction I need to go.
Does anyone have recommendations for reading material or videos which could be helpful as I re-explore my relationship with Islam and Allah? Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Salaam.
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