Open-mindedness toward shirk is kufr, right? How do I prepare for the Fire?

Assalamu alaykum

I’ll make this my last post on the topic and leave you alone. This is the third “installment” of accepting that I’m a kafir and that I should start preparing myself for the Fire. The other two are in my post history.

I have no intellectual reason to reject Islam or accept paganism (including atheism since it’s shirk with nature), but my heart isn’t settling no matter what. I have two questions:

1. Thinking/feeling: “I think Islam is true, but I don’t know if it is,” “la ilaha ila Allah, probably, w Muhammadan rasulAllah maybe,” “I cannot declare paganism as definitely false nor can I accept it, similarly I cannot rule out Islam as the truth nor can I fully accept it,” and “I’m 80% sure Islam is true and I will meet my Lord after resurrection, but I might not or I might meet a different Lord,” make one a kafir right? Anyone who says or thinks these things is no better than a mushrik, right?
2. How do I prepare myself for the Fire, mentally? I am the person in question 1, and it is practically inevitable that I will enter the Fire if Islam is true, which it likely is but I guess my heart is dead.

I ask that you don’t get too harsh with me, I'm already crying as I type this. Just say yes or no to the first question, and then if you have advice for #2 please tell me. Thanks.

Unnecessary to read: If anyone wanted to know, here is what I have tried: For the last 6 years, on and off, but especially the last two years (including my year of murtadness), I read the Quran in Arabic and English with tafsir (and still do, almost daily, as well as listen to the Quran daily). I listened to many lectures on Islam and seerah. I read the Sealed Nectar. I asked questions on here, various discord channels, and emailed more knowledgeable Muslims, including an imam. I read about hadith sciences (mostly through online sources, including some Youtube videos and from non-Muslim sources). I went through multiple articles on Yaqeen Institute's website. I listened to lectures about the miracles of the Quran, like from Nouman Ali Khan. I listened to debates between Muslims and other religions, like Ahmed Deedat. I read one book on aqeedah (Aqeedah Tahaawiyyah-The Creed of Imam Tahawi). I still pray salah, since coming back to Islam. These are by far not the only sources on Islam obviously, but these make up the basis of faith for many people. These are also the resources people recommended to me at various points.

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