I was raised muslim but things got fucked up when I was around 15yrs old. I believed in Allah but was very very frustrated with the way life was going. I became an atheist when I was 16 and I believe I was truly free around this time. I sort of accepted death and was ready for whatever. I'm 20 now and Islam sort of came back to me. I'm not perfect but I try my best to pray my daily 5 and stay away from zina. I always pray so damned hard to come back to Islam but why is it so hard??? I simply can't believe in something blindly until I see angels/jinn/or even God. I can't do this anymore. I think despite having freewill Allah always intended for me to be part of the ones who's heart has been sealed and forever doomed to burn in hell. I'm scared of hell but it is now inevitable. Might as well live and try to enjoy. Salaam ✌️
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