TLDR at the end below.
For the past year I have comitting a certain sin, once every month approximately. I won't say what it is exactly I believe that going public with the sin is a sin itself.
A couple of months ago I decided that I was done with it. And went to Allah to seek forgiveness and ask to keep me away from it. I started reading and memorizing the Quran, praying at night and say duaa for hours. I was so happy. I felt connected again to Allah and I was so thankful for that.
But Shaytan will never leave you alone. I was weak. So weak, that I committed it again a couple of days ago. I was so horrible and ashamed of myself. I felt like a hypocrite. How can I face Allah in my prayers knowing what I did? I began to believe that I was a lost cause. That there is no way Allah will forgive me now. Because everytime I go back to it. I lost hope.
I came across a video of Mufti Menk about this certain situation. I just lost it. Tears started dropping little by little. He kept talking about how Allah is the most mercyful, how he loves us more than the mother loves her children, how no matter what we do he can always forgive us and it just got me. People usually cry when they hear about the punishement, and hell, and all that stuff. Me, it's always this. The kindness and mercy of Allah always gets me.
It was time for Maghrib prayer, I was still thinking about how to face Allah knowing what I did, how can I stand in front of him, still feeling like a hypocrite. I did the prayer with tears in my eyes. At the end, I started saying duaa to ask for forgiveness and mercy and I just lost it. I cried lowdly, I couldn't stop. I just kept crying and crying unconsciously. I couldn't believe myself because I have never ever in my entire life cried like that. I prayed for Allah to help me, and to guide me throught rightfulness and to keep that sin away from me.
Please I need your prayers. And if you have any more advice, please post it. As it may help me and others. Thank you.
PS: I highly, HIGHLY recommend checking that video out. It's really really good.
TL;DR: Kept commiting a sin so bad that I lost hope in myself and felt like a hypocrite. Cried like a baby when I asked Allah for forgiveness and mercy today after the prayers.
May Allah forgive us for all sins we commited, and that he will guide us back to the right way.
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