I never thought that i would get in this situation.

All the time when i saw other people hurting themselves with razor blades and etc. I thought "why are they doing that? It's just pointless"

And guess what, i now am in their skin hurting myself because of this hate and this guilt. I never ever expected that i would be in this situation, it takes the joy away. I don't use razor blades but i am close to using sharp tools. I used before electricity or in other words i made with multiple batteries stacked a short, creating lots of heat till the metal gets orange glowing and burning myself with it. I didn't do it alot but i don't know if it will stay like this. I got once the thought of overdoing it and createing a big burning scar on my left hand fingers, but that would make everyone notice. Let's hope that i won't go this far.

This is pure poison in me and my hate for it is just crazy. This all is my fault, i wish that i would've never discovered that poison. Just like cancer, destroying your body, making you depressed, destroying the relationship with family and friends and incredibly hard to get it removed.

I just wanted to let it off my chest, they say talking helps, don't they?

Assalamu Aleykum

submitted by /u/MimicOfPlagy
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from Islam https://ift.tt/3laJjzO