hello brothers, and thank you in advance for reading this. i am a 19 year old lebanese male, and i am suffering from severe thanatophobia in this moment. i am struggling to cope with my own mind right now, and instead of believing that truly nothing happens after i die, i have decided trying to turn the Allah whose words i have ignored for so long. i have never truly stopped believing that there was a god, but i was living in lebanon until i was 7 and then moved to london ever since, and after i moved it was harder and harder for me as a child and a young teenager to stick to this religion with so many influences around me. i have committed sins, but i have made sure to never commit a sin that affects anyone other than myself, even though these sins i have committed have still hurt Allah. and so as a child i stopped following islam as strictly, and as i grew up the belief faded more and more. i believed that if i was at least a good person in life then Allah or god might forgive me in some way, as i have battled with depression for a long time and i was in no state to try to practice the religion i grew up with. recently, i have battled with thanatophobia, and as i started to realise that truly nothing happens after i die, i started to get very scared, and i have doubted my religion and Allah more than ever recently, especially in this moment. brothers i ask you. can i still make up for what ive done? ive skipped rhamadan many times, ive drank alcohol and smoked marijuana multiple times, ive ignored the rule for halal food only and have eaten non halal food as any non muslim would, ive consumed pork on multiple occasions, and i have become somewhat of an angry person who sometimes takes his anger out on others. is this gods way of punishing me for ignoring him? i am very afraid right now, and i am failing to see if there really is life after death. what will happen to me if i try to turn around my life towards islam right now, and is there any proof that there really is a life after death that i can believe in instead of feeling like this? im also afraid of turning to islam right now as it would be very advantageous of me to have ignored Allah for so long but the moment i am afraid i am turning my face back towards him. he is definitely upset with me right now, and i dont know how to show i am sincere about my feelings right now, at least i believe i am sincere. what can i do brothers, thank you very much for reading that. شكر لكم كلكم، و انا ادعي منشان سلامتكم
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from Islam https://ift.tt/3iRL1F2
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