I’m not sure how long I felt this way. Maybe since I was 6?
I’ve spent so much time desperately trying to secure my faith. I’ve memorized most of the Quran, read thousands of pages, and have listened to countless amounts of scholars while being personally tutored by a mufti.
None of it has worked. My depression/anxiety has made me stay awake for days thinking I’m doomed to hell because I simply cannot believe.
Do I think god exists? Yeah, most likely. But my issue remains with the fact that I have issues with some aspects of Islam, and if I can’t accept everything, then that means I don’t view it as perfect and divine.
What am I supposed to do? I have spent most of my life learning and following islam. I do my prayers, give zakat, and try my best to be a good person
It isn’t even about hardships or my mental condition. I’ve been on medicine for awhile and life is actually pretty good thankfully. There’s just too many issues I have with religion and Islam that I cannot accept.
My dad tried telling me to just focus on the big picture and ignore the nitpicks, but isn’t that just accepting I’m not a Muslim? I can’t just reject some things and it’s killing me mentally. I don’t want to leave, but it seems I already have
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