Asking for prayers

I don’t really like to tell anyone about things like this and I’m not sure if I’m wanting to continue talking to my girlfriend about the topic but I am honestly scared for life.

I’m diagnosed with bipolar depression and I suffer from hallucinations, quite often recently. And I may be seeing a therapist soon because I canceled the sessions with my previous one. I’m scared I may have schizophrenia or something like it, obviously I’m undiagnosed with that but I’m quite worried about my mental health.

Most of my hallucinations are auditory but occasionally they will be visual and it’s terrifying for me. My auditory ones usually occur when I’m trying to sleep, or even sometimes when I’m just going about my day. It’s usually many distorted voices, strange ones that I don’t know talking trash about me and telling me how worthless I am. I don’t know where all this stemmed from, I’ve had a great life (currently 15) and I’m in a very loving family. I feel so useless all the time and I’ll honestly be happy most of the time then just go through these episodes (quite often) where I feel worthless and have a lot of suicidal tendencies.

Unfortunately, I have a pretty big history with self harm and I hate so much to destroy the body Allah gave me but I can’t help it. I remember one time when I just blacked out, I don’t remember doing it but I was in the bathroom and had 9 cuts on my thigh, this happened about a month ago. Or last night even, i just was in the closet. I have no recollection of even going to the closet. I was just in there, hugging my knees. I literally talked to my girlfriend a few moments prior.

This is a bit unorganized but my visual hallucinations, while they don’t happen that often scare me the most. It’s usually very distorted faces, or even when I look in the mirror sometimes my face looks terrifying and disgusting.

I’m sorry for ranting, no one will read this most likely but I just want to get help. I think about suicide A LOT but I don’t want to die.

submitted by /u/Nevarges
[link] [comments]

from Islam https://ift.tt/3455O3S