The moment depression hit me, I start to think of killing myself again. I start to get arrogance, thinking that I could endured the grave torment if I ended up killing myself. Astagfirullahalazeem. I used to pray Duha in the morning, Tahajjud, the Sunnah Rawateeb before and after prayer. I used to do the adkhar and read the quran daily. I prayed on time every time.
Lately, my fajr has been late, my Zuhur is being dragged near to Ashar time. I am being careless. I'm only doing the bare minimum, 5 times daily prayer.
The thing is akhi, I am weak. So week minded. I feel like my iman is slowly diminishing and I am trying to gather it back. I don't what to do or think anymore. All I could think is that I serve no purpose in this world, and I'd rather be dead.
No one checks on me, I am an orphan and I have no friends. I was adopted when I was a baby. My real parents are still alive but we're not closed. But I call them almost every day and send them money. Even though I don't feel the connection at all. I am doing this because it is stated in the Quran to treat you parents right. In the end, I feel alone and feeling like an orphan.
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