Trying to start praying.

Hey people, excuse my english if there are any problems, especially arabic words. I'm not that good with them while writing in english

So I'm 25 years old and I'm trying to start praying. I've been trying to for as long as I can remember. But I just cannot continue for more than 15 or so days. Reasons are as follows:

My parents kind of made me wear hijab even if I didnt want to. It's not like they forced me to do it physically, but they forced me verbally. My father is the strict and i-dont-talk-to-my-family-unless-its-absolutely-necessary kind of dad and whenever he talks, its about how I should act in Islam. This made me hate religion for the longest time and I am a headstrong person. If I'm forced to do something, I aint doing it.

But that applies to now. Then I was young and was forced to wear hijab. After that, while doing Islam related things, I'm absolutely reluctant. I cant stop remembering how I was forced to wear hijab and my pride wont let me do anything else in Islam. So I'm kind of having an internal war with myself.

As I've said, I started praying before. But even if I started willingly on my own, when my mother says things like, did you remember to pray, I start hating praying again. I told her to not say anything about praying to me, that I would pray on my on, but she forgets. Its another reason my prays were never continuous.

So I came up with an idea. I'm an adult now and had the chance to get to know myself. And I'm a lazy piece of heck on top of being reluctant to doing Islamic things, but the good news is: I do things when I dont have a chance. And I'm extremely prideful. I tried to use these two facts to help me start praying.

My mom is kind of fat, she needs to lose weight asap for her health but she loves food and cant lose weight. I came up with a deal for her. After she would lose 5 kilos, I would start praying 3 times a day. And I would continue praying as long as she continued dieting. She needed motivation for dieting and I for praying. So I thought its a win win situation.

She lost 4.7 kg bc of this deal. She is going super motivated for the first time in her life. And I know that even if I'm super reluctant to start praying, my pride wont let me break a deal I came up with. So I didnt leave a door out both for me and my mom.

So sisters and brothers, the reason I wrote this is, even if I have to start praying now, I just dont want to. I really dont. I'm still having this internal fight. Is there a platform where muslim prayers gather to help each other keep praying? Like a relaxed environment, anonymous muslims, chatting and being there for each other? That kind of environment would help me get over my pre-judice about Islam. I need to know closely that Islam is a relaxed and fun religion if you abide by its rules. Bc I couldnt get to know this part of Islam.

So I'm looking for such help! Also I'm open to comments about the other things.

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