Warning: A medium-long read.
Asalamalaikum.
Ive been going through a pretty tough time in my life.
im 20 years old and a premed in north america. so my story is this:
ive graduated high school in middle east. I really wanted to do complete medical education in 5 years like all of my friends. however, my parents forced me to go to NA. i read dua istikhara before accepting my offer for premed here. so here i am.
I completely hate it here.
im looking at my friends and theyre studying medicine and learning to diagnose people. i really want to do that. i hate studying a science degree where they prepare you to do research. i hate the competitive premed environment here. i hate that by the time i enter med school, my friends wouldve already started residency.
i completely hate it.
i dont know if im depressed or have any mental conditions. but i hate waking up in the morning. every single day im looking forward to sleep cause thats the only time i can forget about the world. just looking at my friends being ahead of me in life. looking at everyone around me having better med school applications than me. thinking about will i ever make it to med school. i dont know. im always sad. i havent felt happiness in a while.
for some reason, the thought of listening to surah Ar Rahman came to me. i put it on. i listened to the recitation by Abdul Rahman Al ossi (i know right, listening to Ar-Rahman by the slave of Ar-Rahman :) lol). here is the link to the youtube video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtUOFa9-Qao
I cried. I cried a lot.
I have never ever in my life cried to the Quran. I always thought it was weird that the sheikhs in Makkah would cry in salah. but now i understand.
I first broke a tear at listening to ayah number 27 and 28:
"And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor." "So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?"
and I was full on crying as if someone opened the taps of my eyes completely at the last 2 ayats (ayah 77 and 78):
"So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?" "Blessed is the name of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor."
Just the repetition of "So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?", brought me to tears. Allah SWT has given me so much.
He has, alhumdulillah arrab al alameen, has given me a house in a 1st world country and the opportunities here.
He has, alhumdulillah arrab al alameen, has given me a healthy life.
He has, alhumdulillah arrab al alameen, has given me a life that anybody would gladly take.
So which of countless favors of my Lord am I denying??!
Just writing that sentence out has brought tears to my eyes.
I may not be the best applicant for medical schools here. I may not be a doctor. I dont know what will happen to me.
But, this surah reminded me of what Allah SWT has given me. This surah reminded me of what I asked my Lord on the night I accepted my offer for premed here, and rejected all my med school offers back in the middle east. I asked Allah SWT:
“O Allah, verily I seek the better [of either choice] from You, by Your knowledge, and I seek ability from You, by Your power, and I ask You from Your immense bounty. For indeed You have power, and I am powerless; You have knowledge and I know not; You are the Knower of the unseen realms. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then decree it for me, facilitate it for me, and grant me blessing in it. And if You know that this matter is not good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then turn it away from me and me from it; and decree for me better than it, wherever it may be, and make me content with it.”
Also knowing that the owner of Majesty and Honor is with me makes me happy. I havent felt this feeling in a long while.
It is so comforting to know that Allah SWT will take care of me. provide me with what he thinks is best for me. I was being too impatient to see what Allah SWT has for me.
Jazakhallah khair for reading this. I just wanted to share this with some one.
Also, Id like to write out the ayats and dua istikhara in Arabic, but im on computer so just copy pasted the English. The Arabic version in my opinion is more impactful for me by order of magnitudes, as a Pakistani who has a grasp on Arabic (so my second language).
also on a side note, I think I want to name my daughter Alaa, when i get married and have kids Insha Allah. This word was so powerful. It will be a very good reminder to see what favors my Lord has provided with me. A life long reminder Insha Allah.
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from Islam https://ift.tt/39fKnhn
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