'Islamic Dating'??

Assalamu alaikum all, I have been meaning to write this for a while and although i may not be very eloquent in my speech, i will try my best to convey my thoughts and observations. This is a bit of a rant but please hear me out till the end.

One thing i have noticed is that many muslim youth (and this is especially true for the high school/college students) living in the western countries is their struggle with the whole concept of dating and staying away from the Haram relationships.

As a result, one of a few things happen:

1. They see their religion as an obstruction and a factor for their alienation in what is portrayed to be their 'wildest years'. This forces them to leave their religion and/or carry a resentment for its super strict rulings.

2. They fear the repercussions from their super conservative parents and thus become depressed and once again, continue to carry resentment for some ruling of their religion.

3. They are from the select few that Allah has blessed with exceptional levels of patience and don't see a problem waiting out a few years before they can finally have a halal relationship.

HOWEVER, we are always seen boasting that Islam is the best and most practical religion but we know that many of us aren't capable of not indulging in any form of sexual pleasure whether it is through dirty thoughts/videos, self pleasure, haram relationships or a combination of them all.

If that is the case, is our statement really true and/or are we missing something?

According to my (very limited) understanding, this is an issue that can be solved through a brushing up of our understanding between an Islamic marriage and the cultural stigmas that surround it. One thing that many parents and muslims in general misunderstand is that while marriage is a very important step in our lives, it isn't such a holy covenant (for the lack of a better word) that you only get ONE CHANCE at.

Unlike the christians, the muslim marriage does not require a priest/imam to conduct the marriage (although it is recommended). It only requires the 2 witnesses and the concent of both parties. Moreover, if things don't go smoothly, Islamic marriages also have the option of a divorce.

With that being said, the question arises to what can be done about this situation. There are two solutions that i can think of:

1. The parents find a suitable partner for their son/daughter (obviously with the consent of the son/daughter) or vice versa and perform an 'unofficial marriage' between them BUT with the condition that they will not move in together till they are both ready. In this case, they can both attend their college without a care and continue their halal relationship through occasional hotel meet ups and through the usual dating.

*For their Mahr, they can stipulate any small amount that the son can afford and the daughter agrees with. *If you feel that the man will have an unfair advantage in this unofficial marriage, the man can hand over the right of separation to the women as well so that they both have the option to break it up if things become difficult. *The couple will just avoid having children for now so no extra responsibility/liability remains during their study years.

1. Since many ultra conservative parents would not entertain such an idea, another way would be to find a suitable partner through halal interactions and conduct the unofficial marriage in the testimony of two friends and with all the above conditions.

This way, they can pursue their studies while being content the HALAL WAY.

I believe that through this method, many youth struggling to stay in within the halal borders will be able to do so without having to hate their religion for something they had to struggle soo much for.

Wallahu Alam.

I thank you all for staying with me till the end. Please add/ correct me in the comments so we can both come to a better understanding of out religion.

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