Asalamu alaykum. I’m in a somewhat tough situation right now. So I come from a somewhat poor household. My parents made very poor financial decisions their whole lives and we suffered a lot for them. They had chances to fix it, but always made poor business decisions. They are in crippling debt. I recently started earning income. The moment I did they said it’s my duty to pay for their rent and not ever question how much money they want from me since they raised me and always paid for my needs. I know it’s important and mandatory to be dutiful towards parents. I do my level best, I pay the entire rent, and even when I had just started my job, I paid 3 months full of rent. If they ever ask for money in emergencies, I give them. However, even though I do make more than the rent, I have plenty of student loans (which will take many years to pay off unfortunately). I need to pay these off so I myself am not in crippling debt.
They both work, and have been for some time, except for my dad who currently has unemployment benefits and disability benefits. They make enough to cover the rent, but ever since I started paying rent, they use their money for food and to pay off their massive accumulated debt. It’s understandable to me that they want to pay that off.
I tried to negotiate the rent payment with them so I can cover more of my student loans and save up to eventually buy a house down the road (for all of us, and In Sha Allah for me to live with a wife and them). The rent is a huge chunk of my income even if it’s less than my income after taxes (taxes take a lot from me). The moment I asked to pay 500 less since I realized my saving plan was not enough, my dad told me to leave the house. My mom said that she raised me thinking I’d take care of her when I’m older (which I have no problems doing, that’s what I want to do when they are old, In Sha Allah). However, the way she said it made it seem that they spent money on me my whole life just so I can make money and pay for everything they ever needed. They said they raised me and spent money on me expecting for me to pay for them in the future (which I had thought was when they’re fully unemployed and incapable, but I guess they had a different idea). Not to put it meanly, but I felt like I was part of some trade deal, an investment deal of some kind. My dad suggested I leave the house and go be on my own if I’m going to be like this. My mom reiterated that I should never count money when I spend on them.
My understanding was that the parents have a duty to take care of their children just like children have a duty to take care of their parents when they’re old. I thought we are supposed to help each other out in a way that is reasonable.
I feel like I just lost my parents. That is not my intention. I want to work towards a fiscally responsible future and not be in debt like them, and I want them to be a part of my life. What is the Islamic stance on the duties and rights of parents and children in this case? I know I can’t make them fully happy, they never have been with me for one reason or another. But I want to know what’s the right thing to do.
Edit: if you have a response, please don’t say anything about my parents in an insulting way, I don’t mean to insult them either. I just want some advice as to what’s right or wrong here. JazakAllah Khair.
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