Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. My name is Adam Harith, I'm 18 years old and I live in Malaysia. I am seeking guidance here as I don't really have any scholars i can ask help with right now. I am a tahfiz student and i memorize the quran for a living, currently 15 juz in total. But it was because i didn't have a choice, i skipped school without parents noticing for 3 years and when my parents did find out i was sent back to my country and my parents were upset, plus there were no schools accepting me because i did not have any certification. So my parents enrolled me into a tahfiz and I've been loving it. I really like the whole feeling of being surrounded by a religious setting and people. Before that i was a pretty terrible person. I was addicted to pornography. I watched a lot of anime, played a lot of games and religion was basically non existent in me. And i finally felt life had meaning there at my tahfiz. But when quarantine struck, me being at home brought back the demon in me... I started masturbating again, my prayers felt dead and meaningless. I spent money on games a lot. I lied to my teachers during online classes where I was supposed to recite our memorized pages without looking at the Quran but i still did. And this morning i really felt empty. I wasted a lot of my teenage years and how many more will I? I currently am in a phase where I really want to be close to Allah again. I miss Him. I deleted my Spotify, my anime apps, my vpns and other useless things that would disturb me and my studies. But I don't feel like that's enough, I'm terrified of the fact that I'll do the same mistakes again. I really hope you all can guide me. Any tips and and advice is highly appreciated and may Allah bless us all.
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