Assalamu Alaikum,
My heart fell heavy tonight as I was listening to someone speak on Istighfar, and he gave a description on what true Istighfar was versus insincere Istighfar. I especially felt terrible when he was talking about those who pray Tahajjud and cry their hearts out, asking for Allah's (SWT) mercy and forgiveness.
To preface this, I am a 19 year old student, and I was born Muslim. Ever since I was young, I have always desired to feel the full tranquility of dua. To have the trembling of the body, the tears rolling down the cheeks, the cries made to Allah alone. I also have only ever cried a few times during dua that I can remember; once during my mother's Janazah, and another during Arafat. Otherwise, I haven't cried much and I feel horrible for not being of those who cry.
I have done a great deal of sins over my life, and I want to return to Allah (SWT). I want to learn and be from those who cry in the middle of the night. I am asking for your advice, /r/islam, and your experience involving this issue.
May Allah grant you and myself all that we ask for in these blessed last days of Ramadan. Jazakum Allahu Khairun.
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