Nothing appeals me

I'm a Muslim guy who is struggling religiously.

I'm losing religiousity and spirituality. Since the past 1.5 years I've been suffering with low iman and am constantly sinning even in Ramadan.

I don't look forward to Ramadan... I am a namazi but just say namaaz with hardly any concentration. I have no hope from the Qur'an or anything. No verse from Qur'an can give me relief or comfort. If I can get spiritual it will only be for a week max.

Jannah hardly appeals me nor does this world appeal me. I do minimum ibadat to avoid the hell fire but even then I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up there.

The only thing about Jannah that is remotely appealing to me is the possibility of having my one wish fulfilled that hasn't been fulfilled in this earth. The possibility of perhaps having just one wife in jannah to keep me happy and in bliss. I don't want 72. I don't want 2. I just want 1 to keep me happy and give me peace (I'm not sex thirsty... I have other reasons.)

Because I'm lonely in this world and romantically starved. Praying for someone for 2 years straight got me extremely numb and frustrated. Every second day I contemplate hooking up with someone to make me half happy. I don't crave sex that much. I crave more affection and love but finding a nice girl for myself is impossible so I might as well hook up to fulfill half my desires.

These last two ramadans have been pointless for me. I'm just fasting from food honestly that's it. I'm even sinning hopelessly online (no I'm not watching porn.)

I'm pretty much numb and in discomfort every two days.... I struggle to pray with concentration or read Qur'an. Sometimes I want to die right now (not suicidal) and just get to heaven somehow and not be lonely. Or at the very least avoid hellfire because I'll commit 1000 more sins if I live longer.

I had a pure heart but that's getting dirty now because of the time passed and frustration. I can't think straight. I'm indifferent to everything.

So low iman... Jannah isn't very appealing nor this world. Just trying to not get in jahannum.

What should I do

submitted by /u/rxy_yousufzxi
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