I'm upset these days and it's affecting my faith. I don't feel an equal in this faith because I am not an Arab nor do I have the depth of knowledge to understand this faith in the same way Arab speakers do. I have additionally faced racism from this, as not being seen as an equal whenever I've come across some Arabs. It's what has caused me to dislike my name (Abd-Alla), because how can I serve God when I don't speak his language? As a result, I plan to legally change my name. Praying in Arabic doesn't make sense to me either. A hobby of mine is to note the Quran's philosophy, but it comes with a dose of depression. When reading this book as a child, I never completed it and hated the fact it was not about the Quran but memoizing Arabic. As a result, the words meant nothing to me at all, it was so foreign. Was this a faith about the Arabic language or about God? There was no meaning but memorization. If we are followers of this faith, then isn't it a reward from God to read his book in English where you take meaning and add it to your philosophy? Our local Imam always told us that you bless the people around you when you finish the Quran, but it only counts first if in Arabic. I admire the philosophy about this faith but will never feel equal or accepted because I am not an Arab nor an Arab speaker. Can anyone offer guidance on this? This is a beautiful faith that has been tainted by arrogance from one's culture and biases. It's why despite being Sunni, the faith is so vastly different when practiced by the Arabs, the Indonesians or the convert.
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