I feel so demotivated and exhausted. It seems like nothing is going right. Like everything I try to accomplish fails. I lost my apartment. Car got totaled. Fell out with my best friend. Back in an abusive home where I get mistreated every day. Family members getting sick. Too many bills. Too many expectations that I can never reach. Can't leave the house. People dying of coronavirus at work. I'm pulling 14hr shifts. Trying to support my family. Tired tired tired. Everywhere I look I see obstacles and closed doors. Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try my life is not improving. Things keep going wrong. I have been through so much crap already when will it end. I ask myself what's the point of even trying. Then I feel ashamed for not being thankful cause others have it worse
Lately I have lost the willpower to even participate in my own life. For the first time in years I am missing multiple salah every day. Haven't read Quran in almost a month. It's scaring me because I was never like this. I used to feel horribly guilty for missing Fajr alarm but right now doing a single salah feels like climbing a mountain. I can't fall asleep at night and when I do I have night terrors and wake up screaming or crying. I feel spiritually sick. Like my soul is ill. I haven't been eating well. Can't focus on school and failing my classes. Behind on my payments. I can't even bring myself to care.
My family is annoyed that I can't get it together. I feel like I've become really short tempered and snappy these past few weeks. Everything pisses me off. I just want to disappear. I've been begging Allah to please help me because I'm starting to feel dead inside. My iman is suffering. I hate the person I see myself becoming. Islam was the one thing that helped me in the past but right now I'm feeling so disconnected from it. I don't even know what I'm asking for. I just need a kind word or a dua or some inspiration, thank you.
TL;DR: feel like crap. Lots of stress. Getting disconnected from deen. what do
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