Salaam everybody,
I'm a Pakistani American Muslim. I declared to stop believing in Allah at about 12. I was ignorant and arrogant and thought my intellect and my philosophy was enough for me and rationalized Allah away. Fast forward 9 years of sinning and doing things that tarnished my soul and much, much meditation, reading and introspection, I've realized many things about humans and Islam and feel as if I'm more close to the truth than ever before. I've stopped committing sins, stepped away from toxic people etc. and am committed to being a Muslim. I feel deep remorse for everything I've done and am beginning to repent. Psychologically, this is a strange process and I guess what I'm looking for is some help? I'm trying to pray 5 times a day, asking for forgiveness and trying to read the Quran but I truly, truly feel like a ghost.
I lost the kid who was 10 and good and kind and happy all the time. 12-20 was just 9 years of the devil in my head tempting and corrupting me. The worst part was, was that I thought I was better than everyone else. The only things that this led to was depression. Over the last 6 months I've slowly started to come back to Islam and I've been crying a lot lately. I have a lot of pain in my heart for abandoning my faith and wasting years causing damage to my life as well as other people. Inshallah, I will make up for everything but idk, it just hurts a lot right now.
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/2Vcu1PU
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours