I got married some years ago only because of islam, because I understood that it was half my deen.
I think I have only gained 1 thing from marriage, a beautiful little daughter who I love with all my heart for whom I would do anything for.
But was it worth is? If i didn't get married, I would never have known what it would have been like to have children, so I would not have ever missed it.
Instead, I have gained, huge amounts of responsibilies, lost time for myself, lost time to learn more about islam, lost time to do my own thing, lost my ability to go out when i want to (i.e. to the masjid), lost my ability to eat when i want to, lost my ability to sleep when i want to, lost my ability to work when I want to, lost my ability to exercise when I want to, lost my ability to do a million and 1 things which I used to take for granted when I was single.
Basically, before I was married, I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted. I can't do that anymore, I have to think how this will affect my wife and my daughter, and she's still not happy. She things she has sacrificed a lot, and thinks I have sacrificed nothing.
On top of which, I feel sorry for my daughter, for bringing her into this life. She's just an innocent 3 year old, and doesn't deserve such a life. She deserves much better, better parents who want to have children because they want to give their children 100% of their time, not like me who wants time for himself. Am I selfish, yet, do I regret getting married yet, has marriage taken me further away from islam, yes.
I can't help but feel that this half your deen thing was just out of greed, a gamble to get more, where I have lost the bet... I should have been happy with just the first half of my deen which I was doing right.
No one needs to reply to this, I'm just letting out some steam.
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