Need Help with Weakening Faith

Salam,

I apologize in advance if this post gets rambling and long, but I have a lot going on and no one in person to ask for advice, and it would mean so much if you can read all of it and help me.

I am a 22 year old Muslim man, born and raised in the US to Arab parents. I've always been very connected to my roots, I speak Arabic fluently and have always been a devout Muslim. However, as I've gotten older, things have gotten more difficult. In High School, I went to a Catholic boys' school and did not have many friends so I did not have as much exposure to girls my age as most guys did. However, when I began college three years ago, things became very hard on me. I was mixed with women, and naturally, I felt a very strong temptation to committing haram actions with the ones I was attracted to. This was extremely painful for me, as you can imagine, to not be able to do anything about natural, strong urges. I decided with myself I will talk to my parents and try to find a wife to be able to express my desires in a halal way. However, many months went by, with no progress. I used to even pray in the last third and make dua, to no avail. I felt hopeless. The Shaytan kept wearing my faith down to the point where I gave up. I began actively seeking haram companionship of women, and stopped praying completely. I thought to myself, I'll have sex once, repent, and return to my religion. However, as hard as I tried, it was impossible for me to find anyone. Subhanallah, no matter what I did, it was as if there was something physically preventing me from committing this sin. I am an average looking guy, and socially capable, but no woman wanted me. That made me even more frustrated and stubborn. At that point I was so mad I just started doing haram things just because--the worst of which is when I had one or two sips of alcohol. After realizing this wasn't working out, I decided I wanted to study in an Arab country, so that i can be close to my roots, find a wife, and become closer to my religion. I am studying to become a doctor, so I spent months doing all the testing and paperwork the school wanted from me--I took all of last year off of college for this. However, at the last minute, do to extreme anxiety, I stopped because I was afraid of the unknown and didn't want to do it. I felt that no matter what I do, I'll never be able to be happy and find a wife, and that maybe I'm crazy for being so young and wanting to get married. And of course, throughout this, despite my hardest efforts to stop, I've been watching porn and masturbating.

Like an endless cycle, I am back where I was two years ago--my faith has run out, I have found no wife, and even though for the past 6 months I have not done my salat, I want to believe that some kind of miracle can happen and I can find someone to marry. I know it sounds stupid, but the temptation to commit zina has completely taken over my life and my #1 priority, instead of my studies and religion, is to find someone to either marry or commit zina with. Because of this endless conflict, I don't even have any more faith left in me. I want to believe in Allah, but every time I try, I can't picture how he exists even though I know He does, because He has to. Our existence is way too sophisticated and complicated to just be an accident. I really want to find someone, get married, and become more religious. It's all I want in life, but it's the one thing that no matter how hard I try, I can't ever get. It's even more difficult I guess since I live in America. I would really appreciate any advice that anyone can give me.

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