I left Islam a few years ago for two main reasons:
-
It simply is more likely that the universe as we know it was created by chance over an infinite amount of time rather than an almighty being creating it. This still is true in my eyes, but that is another discussion.
-
I grew to HATE almost the entire Muslim community.
The second reason is the more relevant one, and the reason I haven't even tried to come back. Recently, however, I had a most wonderful experience in which I -for the first time in my entire existence- FINALLY felt the presence of Allah subhanahu wa ta ala. NEVER before have I felt his presence, his love, or had any sort of reason to believe in his existence other than the fear of being punished by my father. During these few hours, however, my mind and soul were open to Allah in a way that they could never have been before. I felt his loving presence in the vast distance of the cosmos, and as my soul reached out to his magnificence, I was FINALLY met with a response. I have never made a dua'a that has been answered, I have never once -even in childhood- actually felt close to him. I loved him, but in the way a child with an absentee father loves his dad. I have never felt him near me or felt true khoshoo (I'm still partially convinced that this doesn't exist)
After that absolutely life changing moment -which I will tell you of if you ask, but you may not like the answer- I have been trying to make my way back to Islam as best as I can, but the community is just as putrid as it was when I left it. There is no forum for true open discussion, you are shut down by the very people who encourage you to ask questions, and when you finally do get answers, many of them are absolutely ridiculous and simply reiterations of scare tactics that the socieites Islam has been a part of have imparted on it, and/or answers that have been THOROUGHLY disproven by modern science.
I want to come back. I need to come back. I want to love my brothers and sisters as I felt Allah love me, I want to fill them with the sense of satisfaction and joy that I felt, but I can't when they behave in such terrible and annoying ways. And please, don't advise me to practice the religion on my own in the confines of my house to avoid dealing with people. The community is as much a part of the religion as the Quran is, whether we like to admit it or not.
How can I return if I am pushed away -either directly, or indirectly through intolerance, stubbornness, arrogance and stupidity- by the very people I want to bond with?
Barallahufik,
Elyas
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/373Aq4x
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours